Road trip was to begin around 10 am, but we didn't leave until 1:29 pm...should have known this was going to be "different" than what I had imagined (in a good way!)
First stop: 4:01 pm for our first gas and pee break. We made a rule that we would stop to get gas once it reached half a tank for safety purposes, because we are after all, cute girls on a highway full of lonely truckers ;)
Distance traveled so far-187.9 miles
Pee break @ 5:19 pm
Pee break @ 7:12 pm (good grief, I know) and Alissa got a yucky Subway sandwich from a gas station (duh) and for her to take some motion sickness medicine for her unfortunate condition (and to put her motion sickness wristbands on, see below)
9:24 pm: stopped for gas and found the BEST gift shop ever! It was in Montana and it was amazing. Oh, and we peed again.
Recap for the day: Phone died, 18 burps & farts (sorry, gross, but we were bored) and one shared 5-hour lemon-lime energy drink (worst flavor FYI), one book on tape, 73 huge dead Montana bugs glued to my car, Taco Bell at 12:12 am for $11.00 and slept at the Mountain View Inn in MT and ate expired oatmeal for breakfast.
Thursday, 8/18/11:
Finally getting on road at 10:32 am and discovered we were heading the wrong direction, turn around, time check-10:36 am.
632.9 miles in and screaming "Ain't going down until the sun comes up" by Garth Brooks while the sun beats down on us because we are too anal to use the AC.
Feet up, nail polish out, coffee in, and officially naming our journal "Farting our way across the USA".
I make Alissa listen to country music because "when in Rome", you listen to country music.
12:41 pm: stopped to pee and make sandwiches and stretch (we suck at road trips right?) and got a sunburn. Discovered Cool Ranch Doritos dipped in Cilantro hummus is amazing.
2:21 pm: Pee/stretch break :) Alissa is doing downward dog in front of the highway. Found hotel coupons! WHOO HOOO!
3:12 pm: Pee...again. Switched drivers and begrudgingly, drank another 5-hour energy drink.
3:35 pm: Brittany is freaking out post 5-hour energy drink! "I feel like I am on crack right now!" says Britt while driving 85 mph and talking on her cellphone, meanwhile, Alissa is laughing her tits off. Brittany-"I have a headache! I feel so alive! I feel like my head is in a vice grip! I want to take a nap! I feel like dancing with Gaga! I don't feel so good" (Those drinks are scary! Especially with other illegal substances!)
Alissa hears Brittany leave a voicemail for someone saying "Hey Goat Roper!"
Alissa says "Did you know I am related to Lewis from Lewis & Clark? Oh wait, no, I mean I am related to Clark."
Alissa confusing David Sedaris' voice with Phyllis Diller's.
4:46 pm: Stopped to pee and discovered my head is 1.3 inches bigger than Alissa's when my headband literally, fell of her head as soon as she put it on...and that Alissa gets 90's lesbian softball hair when the windows are rolled down for hours.
5:15 pm: got off 90E onto 212 finally! Another gas stop...
5:31 pm: Damn receipts flew out the window. I needed those.
8:34 pm: Left receipt that I needed. Pee break and creepy looks from the town folk. Discovered they make 5-hour energy drinks EXTRA STRENGTH! No way dudes, NO way.
9:14 pm: After getting pulled over for having a headlight out and the cop talking our ears off forever, we checked into a hotel in Spearfish, SD. No ticket! Free drinks from the hotel! Alissa ate her first frickle (fried pickle), we listened to mediocre karaoke, and drank wine in the hot tub. Thanks Mama Milam for our posh SD hotel!
Alissa exclaims: "This is the best day of my life!" (but later reveals she was talking about a memory she had from 4 years ago)
Brittany: "That old guy is either retarded or really, really drunk"
Friday, 8/1/9/11:
9:30 am and Lis asks a nice lady at the hotel, "How far away is that....uuhhhh...ummm, monument? The one with all the Presidents?" :)
Must fix headlight, get a nice young man to do it for us for free.
Distance so far-1,225 miles.
11:01 am: Mt. Rushmore! Pot Roast TOO! I buy 9 magnets cause I can.
12:39 pm: back on the road (but not for long!)
12:41 pm: "What purpose did and do pleats serve?" -BM
12:36 pm: "I wonder how many people died at Rushmore..." -BM
1:02 pm: Starbucks (this is the point where we remembered we had turned our underwear inside out because we didn't pack enough, and Alissa is wearing my extra pair that is too big for her tiny bum)
1:06 pm: "Looks like Black Hills BAGELS would have good ice cream." -AE
1:11 pm: After getting honked at by a trucker and realizing we have really short shorts on-"He's probably looking at my pubes." -AE (I still laugh really hard at this)
PEOPLE IN SOUTH DAKOTA ARE SO NICE!
1:29 pm: Finally back on highway
2:42 pm: Stopped at Wall Drug and got Butter Pecan ice cream and a maple donut-and more souvenirs.
2:49 pm: On the road again...books on tape again....
5:36 pm: Gas/Pee
5:44 pm: Can't tell y'all what happened at this mark.
7:29 pm: PEE! 1,621,9 miles
9:28 pm: Bohemian Rhapsody really, really loudly and awesomely mimicked.
10:04 pm: Gas/Pee and Iowa smells pretty consistently like sewer poo.
Brit Road Mix #3 saved the day! We ate McDonald's because it was $2.50 for 2 sandwiches. This was followed up with a discussion about why poor people are so fat. Starts to get stormy and we are awed at the fantastic lightning happening all around us!
12:10 am: Found some cool new music on the only radio station that wasn't static.
1:24 am: We 'SHOOP'ed our lungs out! We each knew every. single. word.
2:10 am: Checked in the nastiest hotel we have ever been in! There were old groceries and Oktoberfest beers in the fridge, pubes on the toilet, mold on the toilet and trash behind the desk. ICK! We still slept there ;)
Saturday, 8/20/11:
Finally up and at 'em and on the road at 10:30 am. Whoops.
2, 054.5 miles.
12:20 pm: Illinois! (My brother pronounces the "S")
1:01 pm: Pee. Switch drivers. Alissa has driven most of the way, which I am completely okay with ;)
1:23 pm: I joined a Viper car club, claiming "I am so one of them!" I interrupted their parade by squeezing in and chillin' out for a few miles before I realized, it will never be...sorry Mazda, I heart you.
2:27 pm: pee break
3:53 pm: Chipotle in a college town! Univ. of Illinois seems not as fun as OSU. Alissa wrote "Champagne", IL and then under it, "you get my drift" (she meant Champaign)
4:10 pm: My credit card is declined because my bank saw "unusual activity across the USA" and put a hold on it. I had to call and accept EVERY charge for the last 3 days (which was a lot). I try to pump gas and get sidetracked with washing bugs off car, thought it was done filling, tried to print receipt and it wouldn't so I go ask the clerk to print me one and he says, "Umm, you haven't pumped any gas yet." Whoops. Alissa is rubbing off on me, between the two of us, we have about a 62% working brain.
5:02 pm: First "Jesus Save Me Fish" sighting! Indiana of course.
5:28 pm: Rainbow!
7:03 pm: Cincinnati signage!
7:22 pm: Gas/Coffee we didn't drink, Alissa is now driving
7:37 pm: Credit card reactivated yo!
8:12 pm: OHIO! HOME! Mom love!
2,544,8 miles
I wouldn't have wanted to do this with any other person...Alissa Eardley, I love you so much. You're my carrots and I am your peas.
Our food tally:
Hotel biscuits & gravy, Salami & cheese sandwiches x 4, Caramel popcorn from a gas station, Frickles!, Loaded tator tots, Donut, Ice Cream, Pot Roast/Potato Soup, Subway, waffles, Fritos, Doritos, BBQ & Sour cream & onion chips, Peanut Butter pretzels, Chipotle, Taco Bell, McDonaldds and some fruit ;)
Oh my god, i am crying from laughing so hard. Love you Brit Brit.
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